Saturday, July 29, 2006

Life and Dreams

Life always seems to be full of surprises and when I say surprises I just don't mean the pleasant ones. Few days’ back a realization dawned on me which has left me bit shaken. And to be really honest I don’t even know if I have the power to come out of this mess without losing a part of me. Few days back something died inside me, something good, something which has been a part of my mental set up from the time I remember. Was it painful, I don't know because if you ask me how I feel at this moment I have got no words. But it felt as if sand just slipped out of my hand, felt as if a mirror has broken into so many pieces that I can't even see my face in it. But for a guy who always thinks more from his mind than his heart it still is tough. And the worst part about all this is that no one has any answers to it, just no one. Someone once told me don't be scared to dream coz they do come true, but today I just don't know....

You are the heart
The heart of my soul
The soul of my conscience
The conscience of my life and its goal

I want to fly
But no matter how much I try
There will always be this distance
Can I ever bridge the sky?

My heart says can you feel the pain
My minds says time will change
But I don't know whether I have an answer
Can I be the same me again.

And to continue with the theme of surprises this is the first poem if u can call it so which I have written. I never thought I can ever write something which rhyme .So kind of really excited ..hey I have become a poet and it doesn't matter if its a bad poem...I am too excited for my first poem.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Love and me

So I already said its great to be back but i thought why not write about something about which I have no idea LOVE. And honestly now I am finding it difficult what to write.
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
Yes ,I know I love these kinds of lines,I love the boxes of choclate,I love the flowers infact I love anything that you can put in in the categeory of romantic, but do I belive in love ,my answer is quite simple and short NO. And its not that I have been hurt or have been heartbroken its just that the idea of loving someone to the intent of madness looks great in movies but in real life its tough to swallow atleast for me.Its not that I don't believe in any sort of relationship ,its just this word I have problems with .For me any relationship is just about understanding and trust . If you have that you are in a great relationship. Infact most people who know me well say things about me which sometimes make me think that am I the only one piece of this kind who is a non believer. I'll quote few things which few very special people in my life said about me. I'll start with the latest one a friend said I am too much of a cold fish to be in love.Maybe she is right maybe not ,but she did made me think.Another one which I was not able to understand much when i heard it first,it was something like this "You know what your problem is you give too much space to the other person in your relationships and never let someone close to you". I honestly don't get what's wrong in giving people their own space, I need mine and give that kind of space to the other person so how is it a bad thing still haven't understood. And my favourite remark when I said I don't belive in love ,its something like this "You know to fall in love you have to let yourself vulnerable and willing to get hurt ,but you have built this wall around you which just no one can penetrate . You seem as if you are with everyone and the truth is you are with no one".Honestly these line should be in movies ,loved the way they were told to me with utmost anger . So the people who know me well loves to change my mind , even sometimes my mom tries that too but with no luck. Some people call this escapism or being a coward but i just don't know . Am i scared as a friend of mine said from getting hurt I don't know . I have no answers to any of these comments and sometimes I do think of them coz they were said by people who matter . And if people call this escapism I call it being practical and this is me I know bit twisted ,but just being honest.
Note : This post is in no way a sweeping remark about love its just how I feel. I know lots of people who are in love and it might be few people who read my blog also feel to be in love so if anyone feels bad after reading this please that was not my intention. This post is just a reflection of a thought process which I myself haven't understood completely. So read it as funny interpretation of something serious by a completely insane guy.

It happens only in India

So it has been ages since i am on my blog...but this absence was kind of forced by the Indian govt. who god knows for what reason decided to block certain sites including the blogspot after the Mumbai blast, but thankk god some sense prevailed and i can finally blog......

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Salaam Bombay


Yesterday horror struck the financial capital of India and all we can do was look in horror
the grusome images of bomb blast on television. These are moments of traumma and shock for all those who have their near and dear ones in Mumbai.I have a friend and a cousion and thankfully I got to them very quickly.The day itself started badly with 8 people dead in bomb blast in the valley. But what happened In Mumbai send riples through the entire nation.The capital was also put on high alert and there was a sense of unease as no one have forgotten the 1993 Mumbai serial blast.As the news trickled in the western railways the heartline of Mumbai bear the whole brunt.Seven blasts leaving 190 dead and many hundreds injured.The city was under attack but as we Indians did during the Kargil war or the bomb blast in Delhi the Mumbaikars fought back in the spirit only we Indians can do.Strange people coming from nowhere saves so many lives and then vanish away in the hustle and bustle of Mumbai. There are so many stories of immense courage that it makes me feel proud.TERRORIST can kill people but they can never kill the spirit of INDIA.Lives are lost ,some dear and near ones gone forever but life goes on and no terror can stop us from doing that.You want to see the spirit, the western railways which had seven blast started working from the morning itself ,there was huge rush at the hospitals for the blood donations.There were so many people dropping people home as the western railways were hit.There were so many students giving a helping hand .So bring whatever you want we will fight back and fight back hard and at this moment my prayer goes out for all those who lost their dear and near ones.May god give them the courage and to all the mumbaikars "SALAAM BOMBAY". Your spirit makes me feeL proud to be an INDIAN.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Memory for life

Things have been bit crazy at my end , my mom got hurt on her right hand and had to undergo a surgery on the thumb. Nothing serious but then she will not be able to move her hand atleast for a month.And today I went along with her to the hospital for the dresssing of her thumb.I have always been one of those who hates the hospital but today when I went in and what I saw is gonna stay with me all my life.There is so much pain and so much suffering that I saw that it made me realize how lucky I am .There were people and lots and lots of them, each with thier share of pain.And it was not just people who were old but people of all age groups who were struggling . But then to my own surprise it was not the pain that stayed with me but the picture of immense courage which I saw in so many eyes. There were little kids really sick but then you can see that smile on their face which just touches your soul.And then there was this really elderly couple walking with holding each other's hand , this was so beautiful that I just can't put in words.And then there were family members fighting it out,cheering each other.These people who are common just like me and you but still are hero's in thier own way.
And apart from this wonderful experience I saw the most beautiful doctors you can ever imagine.I met them as they were treating my mom's injury. They were actually interns from medical college and were so scared of their senior doctor that I couldn't stop laughing.The doctor asked them few questions about some dignosis and they were not able to answer,reminded me of my really horrible viva's in college.I talked to them about my mom's injury and they said she is doing fine and I asked how was their senior doctor and they smiled and said is he strict or what .He ask all those questions which they never knew .They both were really nice and did I already use the word beautiful. So I have one good reason more to accompany my mom to the hospital.

Life is a.....

Life is a journey,
Whose path is obscure,
Full of difficulties ,hurdles
And temptations to lure.

It is a venture,
Tough to defy,
Being on the land,
Aspiring for the sky.

Few in the million,
Come in the limelight,
For rest plunge in the oblivion,
In the darkness of the night.

After hours of my demise,
I'll become a forgotton name,
Untouched by the stimulation,
Of rememberance ,honour and fame.

This poem is by probably the most die hard romantic I have seen, my cousion.He is a wonderful poet and i can bet a million dollors on that if I have them that is.Most of his poems if not all were romantic and were written for my wonderful bhabhi with whom he got married after going around for nine years. But this poem is quite the opposite to what he writes. I love this piece of his and it just happened that he wrote this while we both were sitting one evening.Its sad yet so true and I simply love the piece.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Confession of a twisted mind

So yes friends this twisted mind which I am talking about is mine but some people even doubt if I have a mind and that is a different issue.It's been a while since I got my job and have been looking forward to it,but then company I guess woudn't be calling us before aug. so these days what I am doing P.hd in killing time.And as someone righty says "Empty mind is a devil's worshop",then my workshop is up and running.Last year has been so much fun and was so hetic that I became kind of used to that pace of life and now when everything is almost at a standstill

it all seems so boring.And as I told a frined of mine now mind has started to wander around and not feel myself.And the phrase I use is I am lost and very much confused.But then I know things will fall in their right place,its just I am not used to sitting at home that I am finding it difficult.And when you have so much time the things you feel you enjoy the most ,starts hurting too.Now I can't watch any more movies nor the music ,even the music has started hurting my ears. Same songs Floyd and all,oh god never thought i'll be tired of Floyd.I even tried few new singers and they suck or what. For a guy who loves the oldies like Don Mclean ,Beatles,Eagles, Clapton ,Dire Straits and all, these new breed of singers are just pure noise and that too really hurting kind.Then I thought lets read something ,its been a while I have read a good book but when you are really bored even good books feel like another way of killing time.But I know its just a phase and today when I am writting this post I think fianlly after all this while I have got something constructive on my mind. Hopefully by the time I write my next post I am up and running ..hopefully.